I knew from the start that breast feeding was one of those things that I would do, and when it came time to get down to business doing it, I honestly enjoyed it. The bond I made with my baby, looking into each other eyes, seeing that breast milk induced coma of sleep they would go into, the fact that I never had to carry bottles or formula, never having to get up in the middle of the night to fix a bottle, the cute little hands resting on me while eating, the fact that breast milk poop doesn't smell, no period for months, all the extra calories it burned, all the money saved, the health benefits...I'm sure I could continue with all good stuff, but we always here the good stuff what about the real stuff???
Yes, I know this is a wonderful natural process, but no one told me how much it would hurt! No one told me that for months I would have to make sure I had in boob pads so milk didn't leak through! No one told me that if I heard a baby crying my milk would start to let down! No one told me that they had a mind of their own and if they were full the milk was coming out! No one told me that my infant would learn exactly how to pull my top down when they were hungry no matter the location! No one told me that the huge full milk filled boobs would go away! Most of all, no one told me that stopping is not easy. You know how you see women still breast feeding a 3 year old and you wonder what the hell??? Well, I can see how that happens! I nursed Preston for 12 months exactly, I stopped on his first birthday, and while weaning him was tough the first few nights, he still had his pacifier which helped to soothe him to sleep. Well, Gracie doesn't play by the rules, EVER! She didn't take a pacifier, she thought my boob was her personal paci, to use at anytime. Most of the times I would give in, because no one likes to hear a baby cry, and it would instantly make her stop! Well, I attempted to wean cold turkey, no luck! The stamina this kid has when it comes to crying is unreal. So slowly I made it down to 2 sessions a day and then one and finally last Friday I cut her off! It has been hellish to say the least. I wanted to give in so many times especially at 2,3,4,5,6 in the morning, but I have stayed strong! Speaking of strong, this process does not go without pain. As soon as I got used to one discomfort another one comes. I have survived the feeling of the milk coming in, the raw nipples, the engorgement, a teething baby and now I am back at engorgement! The only good thing about engorgement if the huge and perky boobs you get! But, like all good things that comes to an end and slowly as the milk starts to go away, so do the big fake looking tatas. For all those women that are reading this saying this is why they will never breast feed or never did, NEWS FLASH, pregnancy is what screws up the twins not breast feeding. Sure it may cause some unevenness, but the super extra 16 year old perked up pre-baby boobs leave as soon as you get that positive test result. As I look in the mirror at my naked body, I know that it is no where near where it was 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I may weigh the same, but stuff settled in totally different places. For the most part, I have accepted the changes and I appreciate and respect my body for what it has done. That is not to say that I don't plan on getting the girls done, because I do. But, if I couldn't get them done I wouldn't walk around in a hoodie covering up for the rest of my life! I have loved every bit of this long journey and it is a bittersweet time. As I pack up my breast pump and nursing bras(I can't say I will miss those) and my Lansinoh cream I realize more and more what I already knew, my babies are growing up and my breast feeding days have come to an end. Who knew what a big milestone this would be????!!!!!
I can't make any promises, but I will attempt to make the next post on something that will not distort your images on boobies, for any of your guys and baby free ladies out there!
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