Weaning....the stuff the books, nurses and no one else will tell you. I WILL!

If you are the type that is uncomfortable reading about boobs being used for breast feeding do not read any more of this post. Go do whatever it is you do, I have never been a modest person and once I had kids any ounce of modesty I had when it comes to the body went out the window so here we go!


I knew from the start that breast feeding was one of those things that I would do, and when it came time to get down to business doing it, I honestly enjoyed it. The bond I made with my baby, looking into each other eyes, seeing that breast milk induced coma of sleep they would go into, the fact that I never had to carry bottles or formula, never having to get up in the middle of the night to fix a bottle, the cute little hands resting on me while eating, the fact that breast milk poop doesn't smell, no period for months, all the extra calories it burned, all the money saved, the health benefits...I'm sure I could continue with all good stuff, but we always here the good stuff what about the real stuff???
Yes, I know this is a wonderful natural process, but no one told me how much it would hurt! No one told me that for months I would have to make sure I had in boob pads so milk didn't leak through! No one told me that if I heard a baby crying my milk would start to let down! No one told me that they had a mind of their own and if they were full the milk was coming out! No one told me that my infant would learn exactly how to pull my top down when they were hungry no matter the location! No one told me that the huge full milk filled boobs would go away! Most of all, no one told me that stopping is not easy. You know how you see women still breast feeding a 3 year old and you wonder what the hell??? Well, I can see how that happens! I nursed Preston for 12 months exactly, I stopped on his first birthday, and while weaning him was tough the first few nights, he still had his pacifier which helped to soothe him to sleep. Well, Gracie doesn't play by the rules, EVER! She didn't take a pacifier, she thought my boob was her personal paci, to use at anytime. Most of the times I would give in, because no one likes to hear a baby cry, and it would instantly make her stop! Well, I attempted to wean cold turkey, no luck! The stamina this kid has when it comes to crying is unreal. So slowly I made it down to 2 sessions a day and then one and finally last Friday I cut her off! It has been hellish to say the least. I wanted to give in so many times especially at 2,3,4,5,6 in the morning, but I have stayed strong! Speaking of strong, this process does not go without pain. As soon as I got used to one discomfort another one comes. I have survived the feeling of the milk coming in, the raw nipples, the engorgement, a teething baby and now I am back at engorgement! The only good thing about engorgement if the huge and perky boobs you get! But, like all good things that comes to an end and slowly as the milk starts to go away, so do the big fake looking tatas. For all those women that are reading this saying this is why they will never breast feed or never did, NEWS FLASH, pregnancy is what screws up the twins not breast feeding. Sure it may cause some unevenness, but the super extra 16 year old perked up pre-baby boobs leave as soon as you get that positive test result. As I look in the mirror at my naked body, I know that it is no where near where it was 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I may weigh the same, but stuff settled in totally different places. For the most part, I have accepted the changes and I appreciate and respect my body for what it has done. That is not to say that I don't plan on getting the girls done, because I do. But, if I couldn't get them done I wouldn't walk around in a hoodie covering up for the rest of my life! I have loved every bit of this long journey and it is a bittersweet time. As I pack up my breast pump and nursing bras(I can't say I will miss those) and my Lansinoh cream I realize more and more what I already knew, my babies are growing up and my breast feeding days have come to an end. Who knew what a big milestone this would be????!!!!! 


I can't make any promises, but I will attempt to make the next post on something that will not distort your images on boobies, for any of your guys and baby free ladies out there!









  







  









      

My Birthday Letter to Preston!

To my precious baby boy Preston! I cannot believe that it has been three years since you came into my life. You are my heart! I remember when I was pregnant with you how excited I was and how good you were. I was able to work up until the day you were born with ease. The labor and delivery were also a lot easier than imagined. I had a natural labor with you and you made this process so easy by getting out of my tummy and making your first appearance very quickly. We immediately bonded and you took to breast feeding so well. I was so scared when it came time to take you home. Although I had been around a lot of babies the thought of being completely responsible for another human life was a bit overwhelming. It didn't help that your daddy was set to deploy 5 days after you were born, but I was so glad he got to see you before he left. The first 4.5 months of your life it was just you and me buddy. I did not let you out of my sight! I even took your bouncer in the bathroom with me when I would take showers! When grandma and grandpa watched you for a few hours I left them a book, yes a book of instructions!  When your daddy came back you quickly warmed up to him! We took you EVERYWHERE with us. You were so well behaved and adjusted to any place we went too. When your first birthday came around I remember being so worried because you still weren't walking, but your doctor told me to give you time. Well, the day before we were set to see a specialist about why you were not walking you decided it was time to walk! You have always done things at your own pace and you can be stubborn at times. You know what you want and have no problem holding out until you get it. When your second birthday came around you did it big boy style in MIAMI! Although we were down there for stuff for mommy and grandma we still had a blast celebrating your big day. Now today, I celebrate your third birthday. I am realizing that the years are going by faster than I want them too at times. You started Montessori school this week and that was a really big step for the both of us. You have always been my little buddy and slowly I am having to let go, a little bit at least. As I reflect over the past 3 years I am a very proud mommy. You can do so much and you are so smart. Yes I know all parents believe their kids are smart, but you really are!!! Already at 3 your have been completely potty trained for almost a year, can sing your ABC's, can count to 30, you know all of your shapes(even the hard ones), know all of your colors, know so many animals and the knowledge you have when it comes to any Apple product still amazes me. People that knew me before you came into my life could not believe that I was going to have a baby, I couldn't believe it either! I know from the bottom of my heart, that God brought you into my life at the perfect time. I never knew what people would mean by unconditional love until you were born. The moment they put you in my arms I knew that whatever it would take to keep you safe, healthy and happy I would do it. Even now if I see you cry a part of my heart aches! At times I wish I could put you back in my tummy and protect you from so much, but I can't. I have to continue to trust that your daddy and I are raising you as best we can so that you turn out successful. Every parent always wants more for their child, and I am no different. I love you so much, I still kiss you a thousand times a day and you still push my buttons to the extreme. But no mater what, I love you so much and with that I say HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY Preston Daniel Marks!

Almost here!

September 9, 2008, He is here!

Sending daddy off

Kisses from mommy

1st Birthday!

And he is walking!

Out at Flavor of New Orleans 

HI!

Baby Boy!!

Handsome at dinner at Ruth's Chris

2nd Birthday in Miami 

Preston goes to school!

Well, that time of me having to let go finally happened. On Tuesday Preston started his first day of montessori school. I cannot even begin to describe all the different emotions that I felt the days before the big milestone. Rob and I both were very excited for him to make this next step, but as a mom that stayed home with him every day of his life it was still hard. 
We have been talking about the school place for a while and although he didn't know what it was, he knew the word. So Tuesday morning I explained to him that we were taking him to school that day and that he would make new friends and play and have a lot of fun. He didn't seem to impressed but I often talk to his as if he really understands everything I say. Well, we dropped him off and said a quick goodbye. As soon as I walked out of the gate I could hear him crying, guess it was my "mommy ear" because Rob couldn't tell over the other kids! I immediately felt guilty and the tears started to form. I rushed to my Jeep and Gracie and I went home and Rob went to work. Once home it was so odd to only have one kid there. I really didn't know what to do, which made me cry a bit more. Although I am not the most emotional person when it comes to my kids it's a different story. I looked at the clock all morning and it seemed like 3 hours took forever to go by. At 11:37 Gracie and I headed to pick him up. Although pick up time isn't until 11:45 and it took 30 seconds to get there i couldn't wait any longer. When I went to the gate they were all outside playing and he ran up to me and I was so excited to see that smiling face. It felt like it had been days! I signed him out and once we got in the car I asked him all about his day. He went on and on and I understood every 3-4 words, but he seemed very excited. He kept telling me about circle time, the class bird(which he is calling Jewel because of Rio, but that's not the birds name), something about the pet snake and counting red apples. We went about of normal afternoon and night time routine and by 8:15 he was asleep. Not sure what they are doing all day but it is wearing him out! Although this is one of the hardest things for me to do and to let someone else have control when it comes to my child, I know that it is the right choice for him.  I can only teach him so much stuff and while when it comes to numbers, letters and simple reading he is amazing, I can't teach him the social skills that he needs and that that he will experience from being around so many other children. The teaching style on montessori is so hands on that I know he will thrive in this type of open classroom environment. He will go Monday-Friday from 8:45-11:45, and get the normal breaks that most schools get during the year. I will do an update next week of his progress and my progress too!

                                                                     The school

                                                               Ready for school

                                             I asked him if he was excited, this is the look I got

                                                Only wanted to drag the backpack, not wear it

                                                            Eating his breakfast

                                                  Running down the stairs to go to the car

Moments like this.....

I absolutely love my kids, but most of the time they are driving me nuts! I say about 75% of the day I am picking up behind them, telling them not to hit each other, telling them not to touch something or dealing with one or two little people and their breakdown. The other 25% of the time the do something sweet like a kiss, or a hug, or says a new word or hits a new milestone! Well, last week Miss Savannah Grace decided that Preston was getting too much attention. We had been rewarding him and praising him so much on his potty skills and how well he knows his shapes, numbers, colors, letters and simple words. Gracie needed the spot light back on herself. Well, while I was picking up toys off the floor, Gracie stood up and started to take a few steps. This was not a surprise to me because she had been taking a few steps and then falling down for days. Well, she decided that she would take 17 steps this time! I went and pulled out the video camera and started recorded this milestone. I also went back through and watched the recording of Preston walking. He was a late walker and I honestly thought that he was never going to walk! But, he did and now my baby girl is walking as well. It makes me kind of sad because she is growing up so fast. It is honestly the cutest thing to watch though, she is so short and just small in general so to see her walking around makes me giggle. She gets a kick out of it as well and tends to just pop up right behind us at times. Sometimes I forget that she can walk now when she goes exploring. Now, if I can just get her to drink out of a sippy cup I will be a very happy mommy!